EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT
WHY IT MATTERS
Leaders can’t lead people if they don’t understand people. Emotional intelligence is the ability to read people in different situations and discern how to best react and work successfully with them. Leaders with strong emotional intelligence are comfortable in social situations because they can sense what other people are thinking and feeling and know how to respond. Their ability to react to people appropriately leads to stronger relationships, partnerships, and opportunities. Leaders that possess low emotional intelligence often find themselves saying or doing things in social situations they later regret or wish they could take back. At best they are awkward, at worst they are unaware of their own negative impact.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Leaders with high emotional intelligence have the ability to connect with people at a very intimate and personal level. They have a unique way of understanding and getting along with other people regardless of their similarities or differences. They know the best time to respond to people, how to respond, why to respond, and when to avoid them until another time. They form sincere and strong interpersonal relationships that help keep the work moving forward in a positive direction.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence understand the role people’s feelings play in driving how they think and act. They value the complexities of being human, with all that it entails. They create within themselves, and value within others, the ability to recognize, manage, control, react to, and channel feelings and emotions as tools to propel the work forward instead of weapons to inhibit progress. They know the damage that being out of emotional control can create.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence perceive and acknowledge how other people feel and think. They pay attention to what people say and how they say it. They look for clues from people’s nonverbal actions to help them understand their real meaning and feelings. They pay attention to and perceive people’s tone of voice, facial expressions, posture, and demeanor. They form accurate conclusions from the nonverbal cues they observe and decide how to most appropriately respond.
After sensing what another person might be feeling or thinking, leaders with high emotional intelligence take the next step to try to understand why someone might feel or think how they do. Instead of forming unfounded assumptions about what might be driving someone to think or act a certain way, they gather clues from people’s words, experiences, and stories.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence recognize their own thoughts and feelings and use self-reflection as a tool to identify their source. They don’t let their emotions get the best of them, or take control of them. They are careful to not overreact in ways they know they will later regret. In tense situations, instead of burying or ignoring their natural reactions, they instead channel them to become a positive force in helping to achieve results. They are continually in control of their actions, and words.
BELIEFS
BEST PRACTICES
SELF-REFLECTION
WORDS OF CAUTION
Leaders can’t lead people if they don’t understand people. Emotional intelligence is the ability to read people in different situations and discern how to best react and work successfully with them. Leaders with strong emotional intelligence are comfortable in social situations because they can sense what other people are thinking and feeling and know how to respond. Their ability to react to people appropriately leads to stronger relationships, partnerships, and opportunities. Leaders that possess low emotional intelligence often find themselves saying or doing things in social situations they later regret or wish they could take back. At best they are awkward, at worst they are unaware of their own negative impact.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Leaders with high emotional intelligence have the ability to connect with people at a very intimate and personal level. They have a unique way of understanding and getting along with other people regardless of their similarities or differences. They know the best time to respond to people, how to respond, why to respond, and when to avoid them until another time. They form sincere and strong interpersonal relationships that help keep the work moving forward in a positive direction.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence understand the role people’s feelings play in driving how they think and act. They value the complexities of being human, with all that it entails. They create within themselves, and value within others, the ability to recognize, manage, control, react to, and channel feelings and emotions as tools to propel the work forward instead of weapons to inhibit progress. They know the damage that being out of emotional control can create.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence perceive and acknowledge how other people feel and think. They pay attention to what people say and how they say it. They look for clues from people’s nonverbal actions to help them understand their real meaning and feelings. They pay attention to and perceive people’s tone of voice, facial expressions, posture, and demeanor. They form accurate conclusions from the nonverbal cues they observe and decide how to most appropriately respond.
After sensing what another person might be feeling or thinking, leaders with high emotional intelligence take the next step to try to understand why someone might feel or think how they do. Instead of forming unfounded assumptions about what might be driving someone to think or act a certain way, they gather clues from people’s words, experiences, and stories.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence recognize their own thoughts and feelings and use self-reflection as a tool to identify their source. They don’t let their emotions get the best of them, or take control of them. They are careful to not overreact in ways they know they will later regret. In tense situations, instead of burying or ignoring their natural reactions, they instead channel them to become a positive force in helping to achieve results. They are continually in control of their actions, and words.
BELIEFS
- The most critical skill in working with people is the ability to perceive how they are feeling, discern why, and react correctly.
- Emotional intelligence is about understanding why you react a certain way and learning to channel it.
- The most dangerous word in understanding people is the word “assumption.” Never draw unfounded conclusions.
- The greatest form of leadership you can hope to attain is leadership over your own emotions and the ability to control yourself.
- You will often learn how people feel by listening to what they don’t say instead of listening to what they do say.
- You can’t control how people feel, but you can seek to understand what they are feeling and why.
- You can’t ever truly lead people unless you understand and connect with them at a more personal level.
- Someone’s nonverbal actions may tell you more than their words ever will say, so pay attention.
BEST PRACTICES
- Understand why people feel the way they do.
- Avoid stereotyping other people.
- Show sincere empathy towards others.
- Pay attention to how others are feeling.
- Assess your own feelings and emotions.
- Examine how your actions will affect others’ feelings.
- See others’ feelings before deciding what to do.
- Harness your own emotional reactions.
- Pay attention to people’s nonverbal signs and cues.
- Look past people’s actions to understand their feelings.
- If you act in a way you regret apologize.
- See what is behind people’s emotional responses.
- Regulate your emotions and know how to express them.
- Do not make assumptions about how people feel.
- Don’t let your feelings rule your choices and actions.
- Care about how other people feel and why.
- Measure your own level of emotional intelligence.
- Know when it is appropriate to express emotion.
- Identify the root cause of people’s acts and thoughts.
- Don’t not let your emotions ever get the best of you.
- Seek first to understand and then to be understood.
- Remember that people are just people.
SELF-REFLECTION
- Do I try to understand the role emotion plays in how people act, or do I minimize and underestimate it?
- Do I manage, control, and channel my own emotions, or do I allow them to spiral out of control?
- Do I perceive how people are feeling when I am with them, or do I feel blind to their feelings?
- Do I pay attention to people’s non-verbal cues for insights into what is lying beneath their words, or do I not?
- Do I form accurate assumptions about why people might feel the way they do, or do I jump to conclusions?
- Do I know the best way to respond to and interact with people, or do I feel uncomfortable in social situations?
- Do I look for proof of my perceptions, or do I jump to conclusions about people’s thoughts and feelings?
- Do I empathize with and appreciate what other people are feeling, or do I minimize their feelings for my own purposes?
WORDS OF CAUTION
- Don’t feel like you can or should manipulate other people emotionally to your advantage just because you can.
- Don’t place an overabundance of attention on people’s feelings, more so than is appropriate for the work place.
- Don’t let your ability to control your emotions stop you from ever showing appropriate emotions.
- There are times when I get angry at work.
- It’s okay to get a little stern with an employee if they are underperforming.
- I have no blind spots.
- Many people consider me their best friend.
- What people do is far more telling than what they say.
- I find resolving people issues to be extremely rewarding.