COUNSEL WITH OTHERS
WHY IT MATTERS
No leader is smart enough to see every issue, make every decision, solve every problem, or accomplish every task by them self. Many people working together will always do more and do it better than a single person working alone. Leaders that counsel with others benefit from the perspective and wisdom that comes from harvesting the thoughts, expertise, wisdom, and experiences of others. They are able to do more because they are able to see not just through their own eyes, but those of others too. Leaders that refuse to counsel with others, and persist in the belief that they can do just fine by themselves, waste the real safety, wisdom, understanding and strength that could have helped them to achieve greater success.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Leaders that counsel with others are not afraid to put issues on the table for frank and open discussion. They do not fear contention or dissension. They see frank conversation and open debate as a safe path to making accurate and precise decisions. They are humble enough to recognize they don’t have all the answers. Because it helps them feel sure they get things right, leaders genuinely want to know what other people think, feel, and see. They are wise enough to admit they need other people to help them be successful.
Leaders that counsel with others create a culture that makes it safe for people to say what they really think. They are careful to never intentionally or unintentionally close down conversation. They invite others to talk before they do. They invite people to contribute their ideas regardless of their credentials. They value everyone’s opinion. They notice those who are hesitant to speak up and invite them to contribute and share.
Leaders that counsel with others are not threatened by people who have different ideas than they do. They value those that think differently because it challenges their own thinking. They are okay being wrong and aren’t offended by someone who catches something they don’t. They don’t care who gets it right, just that it is right.
Leaders that counsel with others provide the background and history of issues being discussed. They ensure everyone approaches a question from the same perspective. If there is important information that needs to be shared they share it. They give people the information they need, without hesitation, so they can give the best advice possible.
Leaders that counsel with others listen to people. They place priority on understanding others before trying to be understood themselves. They treat people with respect and dignity. They don’t bypass other’s comments, overlook their efforts to contribute, criticize them for speaking up, or discount what they share as unfounded or ill conceived. They thank people for their thinking, their contributions, and their willingness to share an opinion. They make others feel like a valuable and needed part of the work.
Leaders that counsel with others follow up with those they counsel with. They know that making the effort to tell a person their voice matters will open the door for them to contribute more in the future.
BELIEFS
BEST PRACTICES
SELF-REFLECTION
WORDS OF CAUTION
PSYCHOMETRIC 360 QUESTIONS
No leader is smart enough to see every issue, make every decision, solve every problem, or accomplish every task by them self. Many people working together will always do more and do it better than a single person working alone. Leaders that counsel with others benefit from the perspective and wisdom that comes from harvesting the thoughts, expertise, wisdom, and experiences of others. They are able to do more because they are able to see not just through their own eyes, but those of others too. Leaders that refuse to counsel with others, and persist in the belief that they can do just fine by themselves, waste the real safety, wisdom, understanding and strength that could have helped them to achieve greater success.
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
Leaders that counsel with others are not afraid to put issues on the table for frank and open discussion. They do not fear contention or dissension. They see frank conversation and open debate as a safe path to making accurate and precise decisions. They are humble enough to recognize they don’t have all the answers. Because it helps them feel sure they get things right, leaders genuinely want to know what other people think, feel, and see. They are wise enough to admit they need other people to help them be successful.
Leaders that counsel with others create a culture that makes it safe for people to say what they really think. They are careful to never intentionally or unintentionally close down conversation. They invite others to talk before they do. They invite people to contribute their ideas regardless of their credentials. They value everyone’s opinion. They notice those who are hesitant to speak up and invite them to contribute and share.
Leaders that counsel with others are not threatened by people who have different ideas than they do. They value those that think differently because it challenges their own thinking. They are okay being wrong and aren’t offended by someone who catches something they don’t. They don’t care who gets it right, just that it is right.
Leaders that counsel with others provide the background and history of issues being discussed. They ensure everyone approaches a question from the same perspective. If there is important information that needs to be shared they share it. They give people the information they need, without hesitation, so they can give the best advice possible.
Leaders that counsel with others listen to people. They place priority on understanding others before trying to be understood themselves. They treat people with respect and dignity. They don’t bypass other’s comments, overlook their efforts to contribute, criticize them for speaking up, or discount what they share as unfounded or ill conceived. They thank people for their thinking, their contributions, and their willingness to share an opinion. They make others feel like a valuable and needed part of the work.
Leaders that counsel with others follow up with those they counsel with. They know that making the effort to tell a person their voice matters will open the door for them to contribute more in the future.
BELIEFS
- Smart leaders know that it is just about getting it right, not who has the right idea first.
- You do more damage by asking people what they think and ignoring them than you do by ignoring them to begin with.
- Your investment in counseling with others begins by creating a culture that makes it safe for people to talk openly.
- You can’t benefit from counseling with others until your ego allows you to admit you can’t do it all by yourself.
- People who think differently than you will always help you more than harm you.
- Counseling with others pushes you to clarify your own thoughts, ideas, and feelings.
- Counseling with others requires people feeling like you really value and appreciate what they have to say.
- Councils are most effective when they invite disagreement, not when they require conformity.
BEST PRACTICES
- Challenge thinking in non-threatening ways.
- Reach mutually agreed upon solutions.
- Share your opinions openly and honestly.
- Invite other people’s perspectives.
- Rely on others to help make good decisions.
- Be humble enough to admit error.
- Create an environment that values collaboration.
- Put hard issues out in the open for discussion.
- Allow others to question your thinking.
- Appreciate those willing to engage in open debate.
- Respect others even if you don’t agree.
- Teach the importance of frank conversation.
- Make it safe for people to open up and share.
- Appreciate the positive benefits of tension.
- Encourage frank and honest discussion.
- Avoid conflict, but be willing to accept it.
- Involve others in getting things right.
- Understand others before trying to be understood.
- Avoid behavior that shuts people down.
- Respect the perspective of others.
- Allow each person the chance to speak up.
- Let people know you value their opinions.
SELF-REFLECTION
- Do I put hard issues on the table for open discussion, or do I fear debate and the potential for contention?
- Do I value the counsel and ideas of others, or do I feel apprehension about asking people what they think?
- Do I believe I can be helped by receiving other’s counsel, or do I think I can succeed all by myself?
- Do I want to know what other people think and feel, or do I assume my answer is always the right answer?
- Do I make it safe for people to say what they think, or do I make it scary for people to say what they think?
- Do I value people with different perspectives, or do I feel threatened by people who think differently than I do?
- Do I really listen to people as they express their views, or do I just appear like I am listening?
- Do I consider everyone’s counsel irrespective of their position, or do I automatically disregard what some people say?
WORDS OF CAUTION
- Don’t bring items into a council environment that you should have just decided upon and acted upon as the leader.
- Don’t expect that through counseling together you will always have perfect agreement on every decision.
- Don’t counsel about something for too long and overly delay making needed decisions and taking needed actions.
PSYCHOMETRIC 360 QUESTIONS
- We don’t rush decisions without understanding the problem.
- My opinion makes a difference.
- Regardless of title, I can talk openly with all team members.
- It isn’t what I want, it’s what the organization needs.
- My manager is a good listener.
- Information flows freely across our organization.